Anger, Judgement, and a Free Gift

Acts 26:16-18 (New King James Version)
16 But rise and stand on your feet; for I have appeared to you for this purpose, to make you a minister and a witness both of the things which you have seen and of the things which I will yet reveal to you. 17 I will deliver you from the Jewish people, as well as from the Gentiles, to whom I now send you, 18 to open their eyes, in order to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who are sanctified by faith in Me.’

This morning, as I was reading My Utmost For His Highest (Oswald Chambers, c.1935, 1963), I saw that verse at the top of the page. When I looked in my own Bible, I saw it printed in red letters and immediately remembered the story of Saul who had been knocked to the ground, blinded, and radically converted by the Messiah. Called, from a complete hater of Jesus Christ and of Christians, to a place of advocacy for the Cross and for the faith!

Something stirred in my spirit! Several times since childhood, I have been prophesied to about being used in God's Kingdom and for His glory. Even after that, I came to a place of hating Christians and rejecting salvation. After my conversion, I still struggled with hatred for believers--having known many high-minded and selfish individuals who claimed to love--unforgiving slanderers, pharisaical in all their ways!

Little could I see, I was just like them.

Over the past ten years, The LORD has been working in my heart. To soften me. To encourage me. To reveal His Love for me, and for them; for you, and for us. God has been teaching me patience in many different ways, although I have not always been quick to study the syllabus!

In 2006, I was working with a New York production company. We had finished a long day of setting up the stage and lighting for a weekend-long youth retreat, and moved into a time of prayer for the young people who would be attending. As different people who were seated around the small auditorium prayed, I found myself judging them, their prayers, and their hearts. I was angry, and I was letting God know, too! "Why are they praying like that!? What's with the haughty language!?"

God interrupted my thought process. It's almost as if he had been trying to talk to me for quite a few minutes. I had been completely oblivious to His voice, when suddenly, He broke into my heart and said, "You are so busy judging all these people that you can't even hear My Voice."

I broke down all at once and began to sob like a converted abortionist. What had I done!? We were all invited to share what God had said to us during prayer time. Through my tears, I was somehow able to confess to a room of friends and strangers that I had been judging them simply based on their confession of faith. I'd hated them because they were Christians, and that meant hypocrites. One man hugged me like a brother and said, "I think most of know what you're talking about. We understand and we forgive you." I felt such a burden lifted!

I've walked through a lot more inner healing, repentance, and deliverance since then. One of the best things I've learned along the way is that God sees me apart from my sin (Romans 7:17, 20), and is willing to Love me (as long as I'm willing to receive the fullness of that Love) all the way through until I'm freed from it.

Today, Chambers made an interesting statement. He said,

"The only sign that a person is saved is that he has received something from Jesus Christ. Our job as workers for God is to open people's eyes so that they may turn themselves from darkness to light. But that is not salvation; it is conversion--only the effort of an awakened human being."

He goes on to say that neither promises nor determination to follow through are enough.

"When a person is born again, he knows that it is because he has received something from Almighty God and not because of his own decision."

You're a heavy hitter, Oswald!

It's not changing my mind that gives me salvation. It's not deciding to live right, or even to try to love people better. It's not some nebulous ideal that is always striven for, yet remains unattainable. It's whether I have received the free gift of God's Love!

Ephesians 2:8-9 (New King James Version)
8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast.

So, I know I'm called, like Saul, to open people's eyes. Maybe this time, I'll approach from a different stance. Instead of focusing on what everyone is doing wrong, judging them, and distancing my heart from them; I'll focus on the free gift that I've been given, and try to make myself available to God so that others' eyes may be opened to what He has for them!

This is my gift to you today. Tell a friend about a free gift!

-A. Paul